I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
