no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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