i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize