i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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