Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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