I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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