Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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