Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
