I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize