I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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