Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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