you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
