I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
