what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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