I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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