I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
