I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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