After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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