Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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