Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
