YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
