It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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