um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
