Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize