i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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