piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize