im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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