went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
