I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
