Don't you send me to vm
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
