It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
These tits shall not be calmed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
