some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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