we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dick has a subreddit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
