You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
