So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
