im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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