omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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