I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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