if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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