last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
