So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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