I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
