someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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