Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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