I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
