He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
