i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize