Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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