i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i used baking grease as lip gloss
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
