i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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