he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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