You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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