i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
