I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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