I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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