Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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