Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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