He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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