The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
