omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
