Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
