a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
