"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
