i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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