hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize