Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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