I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
