There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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