You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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