His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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