Having a random hookup so left but love u
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
