I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
