Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize