She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
