I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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