OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
