Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
