I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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