hotel room ftw
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
