I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
