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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
