I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
