piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
handjob tips. give me some.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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