Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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