there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
