i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
