It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
