do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
