Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
