Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize