Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
