I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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