I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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