My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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