i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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