We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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