So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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