I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
