my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize