So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
