Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
