He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found your dick twin last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
