Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
