well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
