so explain again why im purple
no
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
