He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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