So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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