Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
