Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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