yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
